You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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