i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
