did you get engaged???
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
