So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish you could order shots online.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
