I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
