i just wanna soil my oats bro
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
