why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
