Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
