As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
