i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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