I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
