it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
