hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
