Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just had sex on a roof
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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