You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
