What did we do last night that was yellow?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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