I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Enjoy the penises
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
