Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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