You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
