Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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