I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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