Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
