You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
