I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
