how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
