yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
