I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
