Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
