Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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