Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
