i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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