now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
