I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
