I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
