where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
