i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
