His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
