Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
