I faked an abortion last night.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
