If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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