I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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