When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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