there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
