he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
this is an emotional support booty call
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
