my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drunk is not a location!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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