And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Randomize
