hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
