just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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