You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
