I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
