Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
