She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
