she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
